Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
