respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Randomize
