There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
God, I missed his penis.
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