i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
