Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
