I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
