Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
