Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
