I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Two words: nipple clamps
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