Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
