just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
