My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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