I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
