Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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