does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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