she looked like the before picture.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
