I hope mine doesn't look like that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize