im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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