she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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