Don't you send me to vm
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
