as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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