who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
