They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
