just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just google imaged poop.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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