I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
