this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
