I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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