Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
