So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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