When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
