I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
