I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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