my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
