ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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