I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
