its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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