I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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