You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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