you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
