margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
