3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
