I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
