I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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