I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
