We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
