I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
