I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
