some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
