youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
false alarm, still single
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