Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
