def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize