are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
