This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
