You're my little dorito
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
