It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
