Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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