I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have post one night stand depression
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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