i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize