the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
