we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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