This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
