1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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