i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're too hungover to prance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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