I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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