talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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