Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
