Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
